Paul Pelosi got caught smashing into a parked car and driving away — and once again, the system that would jail you or me is handing him a courtesy call instead of a cell.

The two-tier justice system isn't a talking point. It's the operating manual. Pelosi, the 86-year-old husband of former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, was charged Friday with misdemeanor hit-and-run after prosecutors say he struck an unoccupied parked Tesla in Yountville on July 3 and left the scene without providing the information required by law, according to the Napa County District Attorney's Office. He was also cited for an illegal turn. Court date: August 14. No arrest. No booking photo. No time in a holding cell.

If your last name isn't Pelosi, you don't get to slam into someone's car, drive away until your own vehicle breaks down a half-mile up the road, and then tell deputies you "intended to return" — as Fox News reported the criminal complaint states. A witness who called 911 said the vehicle briefly stopped and then drove away, according to the New York Post. Police found Pelosi partially blocking the roadway in his damaged brown convertible on Yountville Cross Road.

The DA's office admitted it "does not typically announce charges in misdemeanor hit-and-run cases involving only property damage" but made an exception because of "significant public and media interest." Translation: they knew that quietly filing this the way they do for ordinary citizens would look like exactly what it is — favoritism.

Then there's the body camera footage. The DA's office says it won't release deputies' body-worn camera video while the case is pending, claiming it could "affect Pelosi's right to a fair trial." Since when does the public get locked out of footage in a misdemeanor property damage case? The same office that won't release the tape volunteered that no DUI charges were filed because "no evidence indicating that the defendant was driving under the influence was presented to our office." The New York Post reported that Pelosi took a preliminary alcohol screening showing a 0.00 BAC, and DUI was ruled out. Fair enough on the test result — but the public deserves to see the tape and judge for themselves.

And consider the context: Pelosi is currently on three years probation from his 2022 DUI conviction, when he blew a 0.082% BAC after crashing on State Route 29, the New York Post reported. He was sentenced to five days in jail. A hit-and-run while on probation would, for anyone else, trigger a violation hearing and potential revocation. The DA's announcement made no mention of it.

A family spokesperson said Pelosi "personally apologized to the owner of the vehicle and assured them that he would take responsibility for the damage." Nancy Pelosi's office called it "this private matter." A hit-and-run is not a private matter. It's a crime. "Private matter" is what elites say when they want you to look away.

Paul Pelosi will show up to court on his own schedule, answer to a misdemeanor, and likely walk away with a fine. If you did what he did, you'd be in the back of a squad car before you could finish saying "intended to return." That's not justice. That's a subscription service — and you can't afford it.