As a young man I formulated the thought that at the bottom of the world lay a pool or well of tears that no one ever heard or saw, silent in the dark, not even God Himself, in the midst of a huge cavern under incredible tension.
The pleasure of drugs only led me to conclude that pleasure was pain.
I suppose I decided this was where I lived. That I had to be true to it. That I wouldn't forget, wouldn't abandon others to it.
Theological and philosophical conversations were held in the void. Things never made sense yet amid crises things got better in my life. I got married. Held a job. Became competent.
I was at a used book store I frequent recently when I came across a book by Edith Stein called Love in the Void, so I knew I had to have it.
Much like Peterson's clean your room rule, Stein ordered her life around religious ceremony, [blank] and [blank] as three indirect but real ways to participate in the unknown God's life.
She never expected to encounter God's love in a direct way, but it happened for her. Maybe the ordering was preparatory. That's what Lent is all about, the season we find ourselves in now. Preparing ourselves so we can hear God's voice.
Stein's writing is condensed with meaning. It takes time to ponder. I am now a third of the way through and reading about her notion of natural justice between two people with unequal power, one of master and slave, and two people with equal power, requiring consent by both parties. She then contrasts natural justice with supernatural justice, in which the powerful treats the powerless as if both had the power to consent despite the imbalance. If the powerless abides in this same supernatural understanding they can receive it as such. Otherwise not.
Stein says that God's creating is the same. He pours out himself in matter and it costs Him to fill mere potential with being. Though he could act omnipotently in the world he refrains out of generosity to his creatures. He gives himself to his creation, the way power flowed out of Jesus when he healed the sick. And in our acts of supernatural justice we mirror God Himself in His act of creation.
I don't know that that experience awaits me in this life. Thought I would mention the book to you. Now I'm off to confession. Do me a favor and say a small prayer for me and I'll remember you tonight.
Samarth's comment on lornajane's article gave me the clue I needed to add the dissenter extension to Brave. In brief, download the Dissenter crx file from github. Expand it with 7-zip. Go to your Brave Extensions. Set the Brave mode to developer and click to add an unpacked extension. Browse to the expanded folder.
You know, I figured out how to load the dissenter extension into the brave browser.
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