Last week saw great success in peace talks with Iran, though after gaining many promises and accepting gifts of oil tankers, President Trump learned that he had been negotiating with an Iranian Starbucks barista this whole time. Though it is unusual in the West for a barista to engage in peace talks, this is apparently quite normal in Iran, especially as so many other powerful leaders are no longer living. Experts say the skills necessary to make a venti skinny caramel vanilla mocha half calf extra hot ristretto latte to please a very picky customer also can be applied to negotiating with a very picky US president who might drop a bomb on you if things don't go well. This is fortunate, as all the other officials able to negotiate on behalf of the Islamic Regime were unable to be located, and only the slightly stoned Starbucks barista was willing to fill the role. At press time, the barista had agreed to open the Straight of Hormuz in exchange for a new lion and sun flag tattoo.