Newly unsealed court documents revealed that the key to Special Counsel Jack Smith's 'Arctic Frost' special op against congressional Republicans was a network of stuffed elves sitting on shelves in homes throughout DC. The popular 'Elf on the Shelf' dolls were coopted by Smith to report all activities in the homes of top Republican lawmakers in an effort to find some sort of connection to the FBI agents who instigated the January 6th Capitol riot. The elves reportedly played a key role in the Biden administration's effort to 'do whatever it takes' to blame Republicans in congress for something... anything really. Unfortunately for Smith, after millions of hours of surveillance, the elves were only able to confirm what everyone already knew: Republicans are boring. At press time, President Trump had deported the compromised shelf elves back to the North Pole.