A despondent Nancy Pelosi submitted articles of self-impeachment today after President Trump was sworn in as the 47th President of the United States. Insiders report she had thought about immediately impeaching Trump for something-or-other for old times sake, but unfortunately had lost the will to continue losing, leading her to impeach herself instead. Democrats in the House seemed fine with it, as many are considering retirement...or whatever. A deep malaise has settled over the Democrat side of both chambers leading House Speaker Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune to consult with Canada regarding compassionate care of the dying party. MAID service has been scheduled for tomorrow. But that's not all that's been happening!