KYIV — In a televised address, President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine claimed to have survived a harrowing assassination attempt and would be happy to disclose the thrilling details for a paltry 45 billion dollars.
Garrett Huff had allegedly been drinking with pals John Mascali and Heather Dailey and playing "wine pong" in the basement of his parents' 10-bedroom, 10,000-square-foot manse when the incident happen...